A Little Less

I think I'd be lost. If I didn't have them. If I didn't know them. If I was in this alone. 

I'd wander around this world and I'd be poorly dressed and wearing the wrong shade of eyeshadow. I would be thinking way too much about how my hair is falling funny. I'd definitely be throwing up before that final interview and probably wouldn't have talked to my parents about that thing. 

I'd be lonely and scared. Probably more awkward and definitely more neurotic. 

They keep me grounded and sane yet let me be me. They let me say the absurd stuff that comes into my head and don't ignore it but validate it. They validate me. They make me believe that I'm okay and it's okay and they aren't leaving.

They're going to stick with me. If I'm sad, they're strong. If I'm happy, they're overjoyed. And I return this emotional support without a second thought. 

Girls need friends. Because we bleed every month and that shit needs to be talked about. Because we think about the angle of our chin in that last selfie and need to take eight more - at least. Because we're scared walking home at night and they'll sit up on the phone with us until we get home. Because being a woman is a unique experience and it can be really hard. 

Having someone understand this fundamental part of you is important. They know how your brain works and tell you when it should be listened to and when it's messing with you. 

Good friends, great friends, are how I survive. I want a partner and you could say I'm out there looking for him but I need my bridesmaids first. I think right now, I need them even more. 

They text back and answer the phone. I can tell them when I just realized my shirt is on inside out. They'll look at seven pictures of essentially the same dress and actually pick one. Or they'll just talk to me. They'll listen. They'll stay up late and tell me I'm worth it. Tell me he's an idiot. Tell me my family isn't that crazy. 

Female friendships aren't always easy and they're rarely about clothes and make up. They take work because everything they do for me, every kind word and bright smile, every big hug and inappropriate conversation, every repeated story and piece of advice... it's all returned in full. They can be confusing and they can hurt. But they give me breath when breathing isn't easy. They give me an outlet and a safe place. They give me joy and comfort and confidence. 

I think without them, without each and every strong, bizarre, brilliant, stunning woman in my life - I'd be a little less okay. A little less me. A little less.