#I'mTooOldForThis

I went to a college party last weekend, and as I'm now a few years out of college, I felt pretty old. Not so much in the way that I thought I was smarter or more together or mature, but more in the way that Slap Cup is now called GTFO and the sight of a Beer Pong table makes me cringe rather than squeal.


It was fun, don't get me wrong. I enjoyed myself immensely and everyone was nice and funny and sweet, but I was also drinking out of a Solo cup because God forbid you spend those four years drinking out of anything else.


So I was standing there, drinking wine with a straw, and watching the graffitied folding table be set up for various drinking games having vivid flashbacks to only a few years earlier.

The people were different and the clothes were altered and I didn't know any of the music (though I didn't back in "my day" either), but the essence was the same. It's probably a combination of the fact that we've seen all the same movies, heard all the same stories from those who went before us, and we're just not that creative. 

I'm just going to go ahead and do this all in list formation because who doesn't like a good list full of nostalgia?

The Ten Unsaid Rules Of All [Most] College Parties

1. Someone is in charge of the music and they must take this task very seriously. If a song isn't working, they should probably abandon their post playing whichever game is currently taking over the room, and switch it mid song. The music is the mood and the mood is everything. (I have to say, this was usually me back in college because it seemed important and powerful and gave me something to do, so I could avoid being awkward)


2. You need to have a 30 rack of shitty beer. Shitty beer that no one likes, it's probably Natty Light or even PBR or possibly Bud Light. Either way, it's light and cheap and a requirement for all things drinking game. This probably is simply because it's cheap, I don't think there's more to it than that, but I have yet to attend a college party where the fridge isn't completely taken over by the mediocre beverage.

3. There's a goal. Every group always has a goal. Sometimes it's to hook up with someone, sometimes it's to dance to your favorite song, sometimes it's to make new friends with that group you keep seeing everywhere. It doesn't really matter what the goal is, just that there is one, so you and your friends can then speak in code right in the middle of the either too bright or too dark room.

4. There's always one guy taking the games too seriously - I mean fist bumping, trash talking, wall punching seriousness. You want to calm him down but you're both amused and scared, so you just let it go and hope he wins. Though his exuberance over that isn't much better. 

5. Each game is fun for roughly 37 seconds. You start Flip Cup and it's great and you're loving it except for then it sucks and you stop and play Kings, which is wonderful until it's boring so you start Beer Pong before realizing, oh yeah, now only four people are being entertained so you switch back to Flip Cup. The games may change but the nonstop rotation never will.

6. Changing locations does not work. It never has worked and it never will work. Do not try to move a drunken group of college students from one party to another or one bar to another or even one room to another. You will fail. It can't be done. The introduction of cell phones hasn't even helped up because drunken people's directions are like, "Yeah, I'm buy the thing. The tall thing. It's black. The top is really bright. Can't you see me? I see you! Wait, that's not you. Oh, I think this is a street light. Oh, hi Jen, how are-" and the line goes dead.

7. The boys don't want to dance. There's always a moment where the lights go off and the girls start dancing and the boys... sit down. The sit on chairs and couches or even the floor and watch. And why not, we're putting on a show, but seriously... get up. Get involved. It will only do you well to join in. Being able to or interested in dancing will not hurt you. You can even just sway slightly from side to side and you'll get major points. I promise.


8. The happy couple leaves early and gets shit for it. Though... everyone is actually just jealous because that's why we're putting up with everything else here. Even if you aren't secretly hoping to find the perfect someone, your still not hoping to go home alone, so you're jealous either way.

9. Food is the key to everything. Open up a bag of Cheetos and you will make  friends without even speaking. Just tilt the bag of food in a drunk college student's general direction and you'll be showered with compliments. Or show up with a pizza. Or break out the cookie dough. You will be rewarded.

10. There is always the moment when you're too drunk to go to bed but not dunk enough to rage, so you and your roommates lay/sit/slouch on whatever surface you run into first and recap the night you just had. You're literally laughing while you reminisce about retuning to your room, which JUST happened. But I agree, it was hilarious.

It may be just another coed hallway, another set of twinkly lights around the window, another American flag over the TV, another round of [enter drinking game here], or another session of "you hooked up or hooked up hooked up??" But it doesn't matter if it's all been done before because it's your turn now, kids. We'll see you on the other side.

"I Don't Even Have A Pla"

What I want to know is when exactly you feel like an adult and how do you know when it's no longer acceptable to let your parent's pick up the bill without at least offering to pay? When is it officially embarrassing that I like entertainment geared toward teenagers and am I supposed to understand insurance yet? Is it cool or pathetic to get drunk now and also am I too young to get married or too old to be single? Should I be thinking about kids or focusing on my career? 




Or wait... does it matter? Is the world changing? Can I just go with my gut on all this (except the insurance thing... I'm going to have to keep calling my dad on that one)? Are we in the generation of "to each his own"? Because that's all well and good and I guess thanks to the generations before me who paved the way and allowed me so many options. That was really great of you and I appreciate all your hard work, blood, sweat, tears and all, but also, and I'm sorry to say this, but screw you. Just a little.

Because what the fuck is the plan supposed to be now? I have no plan. And there's not even some cookie-cutter plan out there that I'm defying. There's just emptiness. Or a "world of opportunity." It really depends on what day you catch me.



Sometimes I'm thrilled with the vastness before me and other days it's terrifying. It's great that the world is my oyster except for, is it? It doesn't feel exactly like an oyster. Granted, I don't know where that expression came from or what an oyster is supposed to feel like, but most of the time it feels claustrophobic. I realize that's counterintuitive, but honestly having so many options is smothering some how.

There's a line I keep seeing about your twenties that says something like: I'm at an awkward age where half of my friends are getting married and having babies and the other half are too drunk to find their phone. 

My friends and I laugh and it's like, "Ha ha ha, it's funny because it's true!"

But is it true? I know some married people my age and they don't have kids. I also know some people with kids but they aren't married. I also know some drunk people but they're mostly brewing their own beer or trying to become wine experts... they also know exactly where their phones are because they're Instagramming the shit out of their alcohol.

So really I think most of us are somewhere in the middle of that ridiculous scale - too scared to walk into marriage and babies and houses and yard work but also not exactly up for throwing down like it's college. We're stuck in a limbo that we're told will end, but it doesn't just magically become clear does it?

You all tried to pull that one over us with college and I promise you it was fine but not the best years of my life nor did it help me realize what I wanted to do.

And now we're told to travel and experience and take risks except, um, WE HAVE NO MONEY. If you want to give me some money, I will gladly backpack around the world. Twice. But I need money so I need a job and then even if I have a job, I need vacation time, which I don't have because I'm "entry level" and you have to prove yourself or something.

Yet according to Facebook and Instagram everyone I've ever met in the last ten years is somehow going to Europe, loving their job, taking up marathoning, and planning a wedding. All at once. And with impeccable hair. 

I don't mean to complain. Well. That's a lie. I do MEAN to complain, but I know I shouldn't. I'm "lucky" and "it'll work out" and I'll "miss this one day". 

So fine, universe (and parents/teachers everywhere), I'll keep trying and enjoy this time of paralyzing confusion. I'll be responsible enough to save money while still experiencing the world. I'll party all night but never be late for work. I'll start a 401k and learn what exactly that is later. I'll try to be both young and old all at once and not worry if I'm doing it right... or if there is a "right".

I guess happiness is all we can run after. So if that means staying up until 2am binging Netflix and Chinese food - do it. If that means making a budget on Excel and then going to your weekly yoga class - do it. If that means hanging out with your family and watching the game on Sunday - do it. As Nike so brilliantly puts it, just do it.



Because I think the big secret here is that no one ever had a plan. They were just copying the people before them or doing as they were told. To a degree anyway. So we're basically pioneers.

No plan is the new plan. And if that's the case. I'm doing just fine.

"As Good As Skinny Feels"

So like all the other people, I'm trying to go on a diet. And by trying, I mean I'm thinking about it really really hard while I make a batch of chocolate chip cookies... that I will most likely consume all by myself.

It's actually astounding to me how difficult it is to just not eat something. I'll sit there at a party looking at the cheese and crackers and think to myself, "You don't really even like that kind of cheese, so if you eat it, you'll still be hungry and have wasted precious calories on that stupid cheese." Expect then I think, "What?" And it's mumbled, even in my head, because I've already eaten the cheese.

It's will power I guess, which I do have. I swear. I've been on diets, or as we're supposed to say, "changed my lifestyle" before. Which I guess IS what I've done. But I've changed my lifestyle... by going on a diet. So I mean, let's all just be honest about what's going on here. And it did work except for then all of a sudden I wasn't so much counting calories as not counting them and eating whatever I wanted. Which is actually a lie. I wasn't eating WHATEVER I wanted. There was so much stuff I wasn't eating or buying that I did want. So really, my lifestyle was still changed, you know, in the terms that I wasn't eating like a five-year-old with no supervision.

What really gets me, is that you're supposed to be eating healthier and exercising, but not paying attention to your weight. I mean your weight matters, but it's about how you FEEL. I get that I suppose, but is it really about how I feel? Because I FEEL fine, except that number is really pissing me off and you know, these jeans are sort of tight. So I'm going to eat less food and move more often in hopes that the number goes down, which I will only know by checking my weight. It's really hard to gauge it all otherwise. Don't lie and tell me any different.

I also always weigh myself in the morning because I'm told you're lighter then. So if I weigh myself at night, I'm like, "Well that's fine because you know, you can subtract like ten pounds basically..."

That's ABSURD. I know that. Scientifically, I understand that I'm not gaining ten pounds throughout the day and then losing it while I sleep. But it's the same thing at the doctor's office. They tell me  not to take off my shoes, and I'm like, "Listen, I'll keep them on, but then please subtract five pounds. These are some heavy ass shoes. Also, my jeans are like two pounds and this belt - another pound. And I have on a sweatshirt which is like carrying around another four pounds. So fine... I'll keep it all on but subtract at least twelve pounds. Thank you."

I do weird mental shit about food too. Like I know I shouldn't eat this cookie, but also I walked a lot today. Like more than your average walk, because I parked clear on the other side of the parking lot. That's about fifteen extra steps which I'm sure burns about 70 calories, so you know... this cookie doesn't count essentially. It's like I'm eating air. Healthy air even. This cookie has raisins and oats in it! But then... you realize raisins and oats aren't even considered healthy anymore. No one eats oats and brags about it. 

You aren't even supposed to get multigrain bread now, you're just supposed to skip bread and wrap your sandwich up in lettuce because yeah, THAT'S THE SAME. And raisins - do you want to just gouge yourself on sugar? ...I mean, yes sort of, but if that's what I'm doing with these ridiculous raisins, then get at me, milky way, because these shriveled up dried grapes are not worth it.

Have you heard about those people who don't like to eat? They have to set alarms on their phones to remind themselves to have meals. I completely understand that this is a health issue and very serious, so in no way I'm I dismissing this disorder, but it's so far from any problem I have ever or will ever have that I just don't get it... like you're sitting still and watching TV and it hadn't crossed your mind that it would be better with popcorn? And some form of chocolate? And probably a beverage? I'm not following.

The worst part is when you know you have to change something. You can't just eat half a pan of cornbread and pretend that you're doing it right. And you've done it before. It's not impossible to turn down appetizers, have only one serving at dinner, and skip dessert. It's not. It sounds like something only insane people do, but those are just other people who are also trying to be healthier. You all do it so you don't wince when you look in the mirror... so you feel better both physically and mentally. Body image is a real thing and for the most part, something we can control. 

Hmm.

Ugh.

...Okay, FINE. I'll try again. Like try try. Not just talk about super foods and then eat chips. I'll eat vegetables, even green ones (but real talk for a second, where do people get off trying to tell us some vegetables are healthier than others - I'm eating a carrot, okay, just shut up for a second about your stupid ass kale), and fruit (again, they're like yes, eat fruit, but not too much fruit - there's a lot of sugar in fruit... um well there's a lot more in the starburst I'm pretending this orange is so relax).

Here I go again. See you on the other side, where I'll laugh and say, "It's not THAT hard, don't think of it as a diet, think of it as just changing your lifestyle."

"I Was Thinking Of Gaining Skills"

Job searching is a full time job. Except you're not being paid. And you're working from home. And eating a can of frosting. Which isn't actually that great because you're alone and bored and now getting fat. So you go to a gym that you can't afford because you're unemployed. So you try to look for more jobs but they want you to be fluent in Swahili and have 7-40 years of experience in horticulture for a job in an office. Where you'll make minimum wage. And constantly be hot or freezing based on the fight over the thermostat. But at least it's a job, right? Or not maybe. Maybe job searching is better, I mean, it IS a full time job... though the whole money thing is a bummer. Or lack there of. 

And did I mention you're living at home for this whole process? With your parents. And you love your parents. And their home. Your room is bigger than your entire previous apartment, except now making your bed seems impossible and doing dishes is physically painful. I know you could do it all before but your mom wasn't in your apartment and she is here, so maybe she could just do it. Though that's not fair, and you know that. So you half-heartedly do the dishes and wish you'd get a prize. But you don't. So you reward yourself with 5 hours straight of Netflix's finest. Yet the whole time you're thinking, "I should really be job searching."

Searching for what though? Really, that's the question. Because you're on the website and you're looking at the search bar, but what goes IN the search bar? Marketing? Finance? Medicine? Law? Therapy? Shit... You're going to have to go to school for all of that. Even hospitality - another degree you don't have. You don't want to go back to school. Well, you could, but again, for what? 

There's no plan or secret passion. You had a passion once or thought you did but then turns out it kind of sucked and wasn't any fun so you aren't doing that anymore. You just want to go to a place that doesn't suck the life out of you and work with some cool, interesting, and, if you're really lucky, funny people. Maybe they have work events and you can talk to people in meetings and do something positive for the world and make enough to pay your rent and also stay a member of your overpriced gym and get an occasional drink after hours.

Oh, and also, you'd like to move out of your parents house and live near your job. Which people kept telling you to do but you didn't and commuted 3 hours a day, which as promised, was the worst.

What you're asking and working for isn't that insane and shouldn't be so hard. But then you feel bad because even what you have now is such a luxury. How many people can actually just be unemployed and live at home rent free? Not a lot. So shut up and keep job searching. You should feel blessed to have your own computer. Don't be such a middle class jack-ass.


So after all that you think, I can do this. I'm smart. I have a degree. I have some experience. I can get some references. I have to stop feeling sorry for myself. 

You pick up the spoon, have another bite of frosting, and start again.

"In WOD We Trust"

I realize this is another post about exercise but I'm unemployed, so that's what's happening in my life.

CrossFit is maybe my favorite form of exercise and it's not just due to the physical work (which is awesome and hard). It's my favorite because you show up, and everyone's learned your name because they took three seconds to ask you what it was and then remembered. Because you cheer for the last person working, not the first person finished. Because there's always room for improvement and everyday you can get stronger. Because it doesn't discriminate. Because the person next to you is also doing the hardest workout of their life. 

If you've never taken one of these classes, the first thing I want to say is don't be scared. When I first showed up, I was terrified. Your eyes immediately go to the guy who's doing like 100 pull ups and the girl walking on her hands. But these people have been working their asses off to get there and you will too. You can too.

It all starts with something called On Ramp. It's two classes of instruction, so when someone says "We're doing power cleans today," you know what that means. (I still didn't know what that meant because they all talk in a bizarre code.) No one wants you to get hurt and no one wants you to run away.

Regardless of all their prep, I got to my first class, feeling like I was going to throw up, looked at the workout, which is always written on the whiteboard, and it was gibberish. I swear, they have developed their own language full of acronyms and short hand that is indecipherable. I could have asked someone, but that wasn't going to happen. Luckily, the coaches appeared familiar with my look of confusion and doom and came up to me immediately after the explanation to see where I needed help.

I needed help everywhere. Nothing made sense. I didn't know how much to lift or if I could lift anything. What's a jerk? And how many burpees? You're saying I climb the rope? And then pull ups? Push ups too? A handstand for how long?

The coach explains scaling, which is altering the work out slightly so it's a challenge but doable. Then you learn almost everyone there is scaling. And you do what you can - which is more than you thought. And you come back tomorrow.

Even now, there's always a moment of looking at the WOD (work out of the day) where you think the coaches are being intentionally mean. And rude. And crazy. But then you look at the people standing next to you, smile because you know you're all going to do it anyway, and get started.

There are so many jokes about how people who do CrossFit can't stop talking about CrossFit. It's true. This is a real stereotype and now I'm one of the worst ones because I'm blogging about it. But it's addictive. Couldn't climb that rope before? You can now. Did you work on your muscle up today? I bet you're getting closer. Did you see her kill those pistols? Nice work! 

You're sore every day, and if not you're probably doing it wrong, but it's a good sore. You've earned it by working really hard and using muscles you thought were just for show.

CrossFit is intense and challenging but it's the most fun I've ever had working out because you're just trying to do better than the day before. Everyone there wants you to kill it, and you're cheering for them too. It may be individual work outs, but when you walk into that gym, you're part of a team.

"Everything's A Copy Of A Copy Of A Copy"

I realize I've only written three posts, well four including this one, but none of them are about insomnia! Insomnia wasn't even on my list of ideas for blog posts.

That's insanity.

If you've ever spoken to me for longer than... 20 minutes, you'd know this was insanity. Pure and true.

As you'll be able to note by the time this is posted, I'm in a bout of it now. Though it's only 12:16am at this precise moment, so that's not too bad.

Bad is watching the sunrise, bad is laying down and knowing immediately that you aren't going to sleep, bad is doing everything right - not eating right before bed, not staring at a screen, not taking a hot shower, not reading with a bright light, taking melatonin (or even ambient) - and still not even having an ounce of luck with the whole sleeping situation.

This isn't every night of course. Sometimes I can sleep every night for a couple weeks. Though never much longer than that. And even now that seems like a really long time to go without a restless night.

Those people out there who say their head hits the pillow and they don't know how long it takes them to fall asleep because it happens so fast... you are just... a lucky little... good for you or something else nice.

That has never happened to me. 

I mean, I can fall asleep in the car, and be like asleep asleep, like REM level sleep, basically crawl to my bed in the dark, lay down, and then remain awake for 3-4 hours.

Whaaaaaaat, you say.

Yes, I know. It's true.

I used to think it was in my head. All of it. Which I guess it is, but I mean that I could control it. I can't. I can accept it. Make peace with it. Get better at running on 2 hours a night, but I can't harness it and make it succumb to my insistent whims to sleep for 8 hours straight.

Shockingly, this also means I can't nap. I had a roommate (amazing roommate FYI, looking at you TayTay - no one calls her that but she likes it and I'm loop-ily tired, so there you go) who napped like a boss. We'd put on a show and then she'd be out in roughly 7 minutes. And then I'd pause the show and watch another show so that when she woke up, we could resume the first show. 

It's reasons like this that I've watched so much TV.

Spend middle school getting 4 hours a night, might be painful, but don't worry because you can learn all the lines in over 80 hours of Friends. You'll also become very familiar with life in the OC as well as Dillon, TX. (This is all depending on what's popular/available at the time of your insomnia I suppose because I also watched Bones, House, Parenthood, and numerous Syfy shows no one has heard of.)

Needless to say, it's a constant struggle. First world, but a struggle all the same. And I don't think I even have it that bad in the grand scheme of things. Sure there are especially rude spells like freshman year of college where I was running on literally 18-24 hours a week. A week!

I have no conclusion other than insomnia sucks and it's real and you should have sympathy for those who have it.

My other sleeping issues, like not tolerating the sound of deep breathing or a ticking clock or any kind of blinking light, those you can be exasperated by. Even I'm exasperated by them.

I can be exasperating.

It's not even like I'm up thinking. Sometimes I'm up thinking. Sometimes I'm up writing. But sometimes, most of the time, I'm just wanting to sleep. I'm trying to relax every body part one by one and breathe in... then breathe out. I allow my mind to wander and then bringing my focus to my shoulder and releasing all that tension. Then my arm, then my other shoulder, other arm, onto the legs!

I promise I try.

I try all the things. And sometimes they work. And sometimes they don't. And I carry on, as my fellow insomniacs do, because the alternative is... nothing actually - there is no alternative. I'm not even being strong, just out of other options.

Well, I'm being a little strong. I'm part badass.

You try getting through college watching the sun rise 50% of the time... You probably did, but it was for different reasons so I reject it.

I'm too tired to end this cleverly, so I'll just stop.

**The title of this post is a quote from Fight Club about insomnia. I'm really impressed if you knew that already... mostly because I didn't. I googled it.

"85,000 Different Reasons"

Going to a concert is weird when you think about it. I love them, but they're weird.

And there's such a random collection of people there. It's never all one type of person. Which makes sense of course, but is always a surprise to me. It's usually all ages from all walks of life and they just want to stand in a large crowd and watch and listen to the same thing.

There's this awesome quote from Dave Grohl:

And it's true. Even the specific time you hear a song could make all the difference. Maybe at one point that love song made you think of your high school sweetheart and now you think of your spouse. Or some song reminded you of a party in college but you recently heard it on the radio and you remembered last night. And then there are those songs that will never stop transporting you to the exact same time and place. They're like a time capsule and you can't escape the power of your memory.

Regardless of what you're feeling, you're not feeling alone. There are hundreds or thousands of strangers on either side of you feeling something just as strong.

And there's always that one person, young or old, male or female, who is FEELING it. They are singing and they are dancing as if they're alone in their living room. A lot of people are usually laughing at them and they appear to be alone, but they are loving every bit of their life at that moment and isn't that beautiful? I always wonder if they're on E or something... and maybe they are, but they're there and so are you and they aren't hurting anyone so what of it?

I went to a concert recently and this person was a woman. Probably in her 40s and she was wearing a bright green dress that looked very... motherly. I don't know what other word to use. It wasn't conservative necessarily but it was practical with some slight frill. She had a purse with a really short strap under her shoulder that was patterned to look like newspaper, and she was rocking out. Even when a band wasn't on stage and they were just playing random music between acts, she was killing it. So much so that a security guard came over to her and gave her an arm band so she could go into the pit.

She loved being in the pit.

She continued her spastic dancing and sang along to every song with such vigor I couldn't help smiling every time she showed up on the big screen (which was quite often).

Then there are people on the other side of the spectrum that look bored and annoyed. I don't understand that. These seats are expensive... really, all the seats are expensive and you look so unhappy! Were you dragged here? Do you not like music? Are you having a bad day? I guess all of these could be true, but I have a hard time not enjoying myself at a concert. Of course it's more fun when you know some of the words and can sing along, but even when you can't, the energy is infectious. 

And I can never get over that you're watching someone's dream come true on stage. I've worked in entertainment and I know a lot of that can be an act, but there's something in their smile when the crowd sings the lyrics back to them that gets me every time.

There's this awesome clip from a Mumford & Sons concert when the crowd is singing along so loudly, they're almost drowning out the lead singer.

At a concert, this random group of strangers is coming together to experience something interactive and powerful and each for their own reasons.

The whole place is alive and you're reminded that you are too and you're not alone.

"Nah, Imma Stay"

I'm not exactly new to yoga. I've gone to a handful of classes and know some stuff. At least enough to know what downward dog is and know that you breathe a lot. Yet there are so many moments in these classes where I'm thinking, "What? I'm suppose to do...what? What does that mean? Are you insane? Maybe I'll just sit. What do you call that? There's some name for just sitting here so it sounds like I'm still doing yoga when I'm actually just sitting because that thing you're doing looks incredibly dangerous..."

To be fair, I'm usually also thinking, "This is relaxing, and how cool that I'm improving since the last time I came. What did she just say to do? Warrior two? I know what that is! I remember that. Man, I'm learning so much about yoga and myself. And I'm doing it with intention. I don't know what my exact intention is, but I like the idea that I'm working out with purpose."

The more types of exercise I do, the more I realize there's usually a whole extensive theory behind them. Yes, I know I'm a bit behind here, but at least I'm joining the party.

I used to think yoga was just a lot of breathing and meditating and then somehow doing a handstand. As if I could put my hands on the ground, lower my head, and ease my knees on my elbows by simply exhaling and visualizing it. Some more practiced yogis might say this is exactly what you're supposed to do. All that happens for me is I get dizzy, my shoulders get sore, and I fall over. I know, I know, practice, don't compare myself to others, and when my body is ready - it'll tell me.

Yoga also has its own language. Even after attending beginner classes, I didn't know it all but was bored so I moved to the "All Levels" classes. Those are definitely better, but they act as though all their know how is all general knowledge. 

I was at a class in Boston and feeling pretty good about my ability to keep up when the teacher had us get into downward dog then ease forward into a push up position. Easy enough. Everyone knows what a push up is. Then she says, "Now float back into a three legged dog and hold."

...Float to what? I definitely can't float any which way from where I am right now. I'm keeping up, sweetie, but I'm not a cloud. I shan't float.

So I look up and suddenly feel like I'm being attacked by people's feet. The 20 people in front of me have lifted their right leg and leaned into downward dog again with their foot in the air. I'm nearly knocked out by the 6 foot tall man on the mat in front of me (who is also phenomenally more flexible than I am...) before I snap to it and awkwardly shove back into a similar position. Float, my ass.

Then there's the blessed moment where we can work on inversions. I take this time to get into Mountain. That's basically just standing still. I know there is a lot of good that can come from Mountain and it's an important pose and all that, but really I use it because I can't do any inversions. FYI, inversions are upside-down things. I can do no upside-down things. So stand I shall. With intention.

At the end you nap. There's a word for it. But really, you're napping. What is cool is that at the beginning of the class I couldn't lay still for 10 minutes if you paid me, but by the end I'm quite tired and shockingly sweaty from my bending and leaning so I can shavasana all you want.

So even though I think yoga is a little crazy, those people are incredibly strong and graceful and impressive. They're in tune with their bodies and their minds and even though my brain is racing along as I balance in half-moon, it's at least a quiet race... and it's usually winning.

I'll buy all the hype and I'll work on my breathing and I'll listen to my body. You win.

Namaste.

"Things Take Shape Later On"

I've given in and I'm writing a blog. And not just for me because I want to write and blah blah blah. I want everyone to read it and then it should be discovered for how insightful and witty it is and then it should be turned into a show on TBS. 

See? I'm even being reasonable with my daydream... no one watches TBS, it's not like I'm holding out for Comedy Central.

For some background - I'm in my early twenties, live in a suburb of Boston (yes, I'm living at home), and stuck between wanting to be and do something while having no inkling of what that might be.

I'm fairly certain I'm alone in this feeling. Every other twenty something seems to have it completely figured out. With their adorable Instagram pics and success-sharing Facebook posts taking over and bombarding my life... sure, I'm clicking on these apps and then scrolling obsessively but only because they're there. It's not my fault. It's society's fault. Yes, it's all society's fault.


They seem to have everything together... and to be very tan and happy and fit and... collected. Some of them are even buying a house. How are you buying a house? I can't even buy a burrito without feeling guilty and you have a home? This seems unfair and wrong. I think you should give me your house and you can have half this burrito. On second thought, that would be unfair... you can keep your house. I'll have a house later. And a boyfriend. And a dog. I'll be right where you are now at 23 when I'm 32. God knows where you'll be then, but at lease I have a plan. Good luck to you, sir.

I've recently moved back home to New England after living in LA for a few years. I had to get away from that weather. I hated the weather. Sunshine all the time? No, thank you. I prefer my sporadic rain storms, humidity, and horrifying cold. This is not sarcasm. I do not like the sun or the beaches, but quite like slumping through the rain in the city. To each his own. Or as my friend Ryan says, "You do you, man."

I love that. You do you. That's where the title of this blog came from because honestly, as much crap as I internally give all those people with jobs and homes and spouses - you do you. That seems to be working. And I'm not an idiot, I know only the best stuff is making its way to the internet for me to see, but I hope you're happy. And I'm doing the same thing because we all want to look good. Maybe if we look good, we'll feel better. Better about all of it. 

So you do you and I'll do me and we can meet up for dinner because everybody eats. You can tell me about your interior decorating and I'll discuss my utter aimlessness. We'll hug goodbye and I'll check out your #latergram of #reuniondinner while I'm laying in bed telling myself to fall asleep before 1am because this isn't college and I should be productive tomorrow.

Or maybe I'll just pull out my computer and watch Friends for the umpteenth time.

(Recently saw the below on Tumblr.)

YOUR 20'S

Expectation:

Reality: