Or wait... does it matter? Is the world changing? Can I just go with my gut on all this (except the insurance thing... I'm going to have to keep calling my dad on that one)? Are we in the generation of "to each his own"? Because that's all well and good and I guess thanks to the generations before me who paved the way and allowed me so many options. That was really great of you and I appreciate all your hard work, blood, sweat, tears and all, but also, and I'm sorry to say this, but screw you. Just a little.
Because what the fuck is the plan supposed to be now? I have no plan. And there's not even some cookie-cutter plan out there that I'm defying. There's just emptiness. Or a "world of opportunity." It really depends on what day you catch me.
Sometimes I'm thrilled with the vastness before me and other days it's terrifying. It's great that the world is my oyster except for, is it? It doesn't feel exactly like an oyster. Granted, I don't know where that expression came from or what an oyster is supposed to feel like, but most of the time it feels claustrophobic. I realize that's counterintuitive, but honestly having so many options is smothering some how.
There's a line I keep seeing about your twenties that says something like: I'm at an awkward age where half of my friends are getting married and having babies and the other half are too drunk to find their phone.
My friends and I laugh and it's like, "Ha ha ha, it's funny because it's true!"
But is it true? I know some married people my age and they don't have kids. I also know some people with kids but they aren't married. I also know some drunk people but they're mostly brewing their own beer or trying to become wine experts... they also know exactly where their phones are because they're Instagramming the shit out of their alcohol.
So really I think most of us are somewhere in the middle of that ridiculous scale - too scared to walk into marriage and babies and houses and yard work but also not exactly up for throwing down like it's college. We're stuck in a limbo that we're told will end, but it doesn't just magically become clear does it?You all tried to pull that one over us with college and I promise you it was fine but not the best years of my life nor did it help me realize what I wanted to do.
And now we're told to travel and experience and take risks except, um, WE HAVE NO MONEY. If you want to give me some money, I will gladly backpack around the world. Twice. But I need money so I need a job and then even if I have a job, I need vacation time, which I don't have because I'm "entry level" and you have to prove yourself or something.
Yet according to Facebook and Instagram everyone I've ever met in the last ten years is somehow going to Europe, loving their job, taking up marathoning, and planning a wedding. All at once. And with impeccable hair.
I don't mean to complain. Well. That's a lie. I do MEAN to complain, but I know I shouldn't. I'm "lucky" and "it'll work out" and I'll "miss this one day".
So fine, universe (and parents/teachers everywhere), I'll keep trying and enjoy this time of paralyzing confusion. I'll be responsible enough to save money while still experiencing the world. I'll party all night but never be late for work. I'll start a 401k and learn what exactly that is later. I'll try to be both young and old all at once and not worry if I'm doing it right... or if there is a "right".
I guess happiness is all we can run after. So if that means staying up until 2am binging Netflix and Chinese food - do it. If that means making a budget on Excel and then going to your weekly yoga class - do it. If that means hanging out with your family and watching the game on Sunday - do it. As Nike so brilliantly puts it, just do it.
Because I think the big secret here is that no one ever had a plan. They were just copying the people before them or doing as they were told. To a degree anyway. So we're basically pioneers.
No plan is the new plan. And if that's the case. I'm doing just fine.
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