"But I Already Did Something Today"

On Wednesday, which was four days ago, I told myself that I'd try to either work out or write a blog post everyday, so at least I did one productive thing outside of just going to work. Technically it's passed midnight so I already didn't make it, but I figure as long as I post it before I go to bed, what difference does it really make?

That's not what this post is about though, well, not completely. It's about the follow through. On everything, because, why the fuck is it so hard? Or maybe that's just me, but I'll make a promise to myself to remember to floss every night or buy more shampoo or send a thank you card and then I just... don't.

And it's not like I'm that busy, I'm the normal amount of busy. Yes, I have to do laundry and make dinner and watch that one show and call my siblings, but I'm not running a company or raising a family or taking care of anyone but myself. I should be able to workout multiple times a week and make that doctor's appointment and get to the dentist every six months. 

But I can't. Or I don't. I do all these things eventually, sure. And sometimes on time. Sometimes early, but usually not. Usually I'm late and filling my gas tank after it's been beeping for 50 miles. 

There's always some character in movies that has a schedule. Perfectly timed down to the minute of when they brush their teeth and flatten their hair and stick the key in the ignition to get to work. Are those people real? And there people out there who actually move like clockwork and get everything done exactly when they say they will?

Because what I'm trying to say is that I want that. Or I think I do, but I can't want it that bad or it would be happening right? I mean these are literally tasks that only affect me. If I need to do something for someone else, I can knock it out and get it to them 15 minutes early, but somehow following through for me is harder. And it's not some dramatic thing where I don't think I deserve it blah blah blah, it's just that... I won't... I can't... I don't. I just don't do the thing. 

I don't clear off my desk or call the insurance company on time or pay my credit card bill early. I do however talk to my friend on the west coast for an hour and half and scroll through Instagram and binge watch three episodes on Netflix. I also go on a walk with my mom and bake a random batch of cookies. I'm not not doing anything, I'm just not doing the things I said I'd do. To myself. In my head.

I'm now starting to grow concerned this is making me seem like a crazy person, but I said I'd post or workout, and I didn't workout (if you'd like to hear my excuses for that I have a solid six of them). Maybe tomorrow. Or you'll see me back here.